Poetry: To Dream

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Hey there! I wrote a poem. This one took a lot more thought and effort than most of my poems - which are usually spontaneous, raw and emotional - that I don't post anywhere. I thought a lot about this idea and took almost a week to complete it. I also had to cut out several words, rearrange certain stanzas, and rewrite it a couple of times. I'm quite pleased with the result though - I think this is the best piece of poetry I've managed to write so far. 
I would appreciate some feedback on it, if you have any, as I know this is far from perfect. Also, let me know if you have any suggestions for what kind of poetry I might write next. I could do with some new ideas. Here's the poem now:
It is easy to dream
When the eyes are closed - 
When the mind is numb. 
When there is no expectation
Of life or living - 
When there is no burden to carry. 
But when the eyes are open - 
And the mind can see
What the universe has to offer.
When the heart can feel,
Joy and sorrow - 
Love and hate. 
When the burdens of expectations, 
Promises and commitments 
Fall heavily upon the shoulders.
To dream when the eyes are open,
Is a very brave thing to do. 

Comments

  1. Adeen Ahmed23 April 2020 at 07:36

    Wow! I love your poems! i love to write poems too. Maybe your next one could be about working hard to acheive something?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fatima Salman Siddiqui3 May 2020 at 17:56

      Thank you! Yes, that's an interesting idea, I'll try it out.

      Delete
  2. Kenza23 April 2020 at 13:08

    What a great poem, Fatima! I can see you put a lot of effort into this. It shows in the rhythm and the flow, the way the poem progresses towards the end, revealing one thing at a time. I found it rather intriguing on my first read as I could see each point following on from the next - it prompts you to think about what the next paragraph will be, for example how "when there is no burden to carry" implying that burdens are the next subject. I really like how you've described the different emotions too! Like the way the fifth paragraph feels heavy with those complex words "burdens", "expectations", "promises" and "commitments"; I really felt that one as I read it! Another thing I like is how you answer the question one might be thinking: so what is special about dreaming? Then you've answered it in the last line, which I find is super effective. Frankly, I don't really have critical feedback to give because it's so good! I suppose if I was being really, really critical (only since you asked!)... perhaps "offer" in the ninth line could be replaced with "bring"? I'm only thinking that the universe usually throws us into things without giving a choice rather than offering things. But that's just my view on it (maybe you meant something else) - and of course me being too critical. :) Anyway, this poem was a great read, I found myself re-reading it multiple times! As for new ideas, are you into riddle-like poems? (Where there's a hidden subject and you hint at what it is as the poem progresses?) I can't quite think of something at the top of my head, but hopefully that triggers something of an idea for you! xD I'm loving your posts btw! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fatima Salman Siddiqui3 May 2020 at 18:05

      Thank you Kenza! I actually did put a lot of effort, maybe not so much in writing it as in thinking about it. Thanks a lot - I'm glad it seems to flow well, I was a bit concerned that it wasn't as smooth as I wanted it to be. You're right about the word 'offer'; tbh I didn't put that much thought into that word, but now that you mention it, I guess you're right about the fact that often, we aren't really given a choice. 'Bring' or 'give' might be better, so I'll probably change it later. Thanks! :D And really, you read it multiple times?!! Thank you!
      I haven't tried writing any riddle-like poems but I do like reading them - I'll give them a try! And thank you so much! :)

      Delete
  3. Noor's Timeout6 May 2020 at 04:37

    this poem is grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat

    ReplyDelete
  4. Noor's Timeout6 May 2020 at 23:33

    my blog https://noorstimeout.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Qaiser Mehmood7 May 2020 at 04:56

    MashaAllah, a thought provoking message.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Manish28 August 2020 at 13:44

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Manish19 September 2020 at 19:10

    What a good blog you have here. Please update it more often. This topics is my interest. Thank you. check out my article “Fatima

    ReplyDelete
  8. Khadija's Artwork6 October 2020 at 01:48

    i see your poem its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ggooooooooooood

    ReplyDelete
  9. Unknown7 May 2021 at 01:36

    What a lovely poem.

    ReplyDelete
  10. tvware12 May 2021 at 13:02

    Wow!! Quite a good poem. I always wanted to be a poet. I do try to make rhymes but I always get failed. So I now run o2tvseries as a team member. Kudos to you as you are following your passion.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous24 January 2023 at 22:44

    Print Plotter A1 A2
    Print Plotter A0 A2
    Print Plotter HVS A0 A1
    Print Plotter HVS A1 A2

    ReplyDelete

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